Dear Advised: My Daughter is falling for a bad boy. She is a senior in High School and I don’t know how to steer her in a better direction. She rolls her eyes at me when I tell her she’s making a big mistake. Help, Janet
Dear Janet: It’s not always easy to admit that when our lives get busy, we can easily forget to focus on the all too important conversations that can help build a strong foundation of self worth and value within our daughters. I receive a lot of letters from parents asking advice on how to raise their daughters self-esteem and ensure they have a strong foundation to choose positive friends, make smarter choices, and are not easily swayed by others.
Their daughters’ need to please is high on their list of concerns and it is a valid question to address. I have taught my own children valuable lessons about life, love, self respect, self worth, and now I can help you do the same.
Janet, it’s never too late and I’m glad you wrote in. The less you say and the more listening you do, the bigger the impact as a mom you’ll make. Remain calm when discussing boys. Don’t start with, “well when I was your age…!” They don’t care. This is about them, not you. The faster you validate her feelings, the faster she will realize what she feels matters, and matters to you.
She’s rolling her eyes? She feels you don’t get her. The more riled up you get, the more she’ll pull away from you and find comfort from a ‘bad boy’ (who is the only person in the whole world that ‘gets her’, right?).
Sit down and just listen to her. Listen with love, compassion, and without judgement. Remind yourself you probably fell for a ‘bad boy’ yourself, once upon a time, and this, too, shall pass.
I’d like to share a quote. If you have not seen this, it says it all. It’s a solid place to start the conversation regarding the importance of building a strong foundation of love, value, self-worth, and self-respect. Teach her these five lessons about men. Tell her you adore her and want her to know the difference. Tell her she is smart, talented, kind, loving, and that someone who mirrors these qualities is who is worthy of her.
We Need to Teach Our Daughters to Know the Difference Between:
- A man who flatters her
- And man who compliments her,
- A man who spends money on her
- And a man who invests in her,
- A man who views her as property
- And a man who views her properly,
- A man who lusts after her
- And a man who loves her,
- A man who believes he’s a gift to women
- And a man who believes she’s a gift to him,
- And then we need to teach our sons To be that kind of man.